I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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