i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
