oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
sex in a hospital.. check
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
