My nipple is on Facebook.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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