1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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