dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
