Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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