don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
