A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
