so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
