like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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