Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
