i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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