we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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