You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
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my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
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Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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