A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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