I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
