Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
