Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
