So drunk, too bad you don't want this
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
