Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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