next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
