Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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