The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
