im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
