you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Hippo gnu deer
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
