I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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