How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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