hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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