my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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