I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
