I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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