Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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