just come out here and I will go home with you...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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