sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
