Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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