i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
