Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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