i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
