I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
