Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
