All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
