I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
