you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
