Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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