So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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