Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
why is half of my head shaved?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
