I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
