We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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