Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just invented taco cereal.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
