Nicole vs. Life
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
