I will die if light touches me.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
