people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize