Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
As shirtless as possible
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You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
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I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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