The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
