I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Someone shattered a urinal.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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