He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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