If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
