How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
