Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
